Jerry, you need to find god
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
