Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
