Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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