Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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