i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
