new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize