He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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