i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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