god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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