when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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