Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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