I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
