don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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