just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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