About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
