My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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