Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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