anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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