wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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