his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
