after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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