I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
