Do vagina's smell?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
