My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
