Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rumble strips road head = magical
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
