this must be what syphilis tastes like
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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