I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
