were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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