Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
