No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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