I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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