i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
