You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
