Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
