Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
