someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
