I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
