wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
