Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
