okay pat passed out under dana's car
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
