So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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