Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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