I wish I could teleport
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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