What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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