Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
