I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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