You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
