I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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