you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
