I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
