I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I forget how to act sober
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