did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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