if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
