It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
